Parenting

I remember, while I was pregnant with Alyssa, I read lots of articles about having a second child and parenting two children. People were asked what was different and what they felt the challenges were that they faced with two children.

The most common that was always my biggest concern was making time for the oldest. Making sure he didn't get lost in the shuffle. I definitely agree that it's very important, but I don't find it difficult. I actually find it more difficult to fit Alyssa into his schedule since he's the one that we already have established.

But I think the biggest challenge, that I never read about, is sensoring or adjusting our thinking. Maybe it's just me... but I hear myself... and those around me say things to Robbie that could later shape the way he thinks of his sister.

Bear with me here, as I just came to this realization today, I might have difficulty putting my thoughts into words. Today I've heard myself, my parents and my in-laws speak to the kids saying various things that on the surface are harmless. But if said several times over a period of time, they could shape his thinking. By changing just a few of our words, we might be able to help shape a better relationship between him and sister.

See, if we tell Robbie something like, "watch out Robbie, soon your sister is going to be into your things" - this may be true, but it shouldn't be negative as Robbie doesn't view it as negative yet. He is looking forward to his sister playing with him. He is looking forward to sharing his toys. He's excited when she rolls over and moves toward things. Maybe what we need to say is more along the lines of "watch out Robbie, it won't be long before you'll get to share those toys with Alyssa" or "watch out Robbie, soon you are going to have to be a big brother and decide if those toys are going to be okay for Alyssa to play with"

See, our talks (Robbie and mine) have already been about appropriate toys for her and toys that are just for him, places that he can play with toys that are just for him and places he can play with toys that are okay for both of them. When we introduce new toys to him, we talk about if it's a toy he can share or if it's special just for him.

This is just one example where changing a few key words could change how he feels about his sister and the changes she's making. Crawling and walking are going to be hard on him. I've been trying my hardest to give him fair warning and I'll do my best to give him lots of "safe" places. But I'd like his feelings toward his sister not to change. It might be far fetched, but maybe a little forethought in our wording could help him deal with these changes in a positive way.

I guess I'm asking for some help... and for some thought in this area. I tend to over think these things a bit, I know. But I'm thankful that Rob and I did have a good relationship before he passed. We grew up fairly close, but I do wish I'd known him a bit better. I'd like Robbie and Alyssa to be good friends. Anything I can do to help that without being an overbearing mother, I'm going to do. Regret is useless unless you can do something positive with it.