One with Nature

After leaving work tonight, I was walking down the path to my car and I realized that there was a squirrel walking by my side, matching my stride. It was a little disconcerting, but wonderful at the same time. It reminded me of the movie that Kasey and I just rented - Failure to Launch. I wish I could remember the exact line, but basically, Matthew's character was at odds with nature throughout most of the movie... then, once he resolved his issues, he became "one with nature". Odd explanation, but hopefully you get the idea.

As I was leaving work for the second to last time, I felt a little relief. A little more pressure lifted off my shoulders. Maybe the squirrel was trying to tell me that I am doing the right thing.

I had a tough day at work. All day I was fighting the pressure to extend my last day. I'm leaving them in a terrible position. No one knows how to do all the reports. And there isn't a lot of time to teach someone all of them. But I have to remember why I'm leaving. I'm leaving to give myself a chance. To get my health back. It isn't fair to my family for me to continue with half my health.

I also need to keep reminding myself that I'm not the one that left them in this position. After Robbie was born, I tried to quit. That should have been a red flag for my manager to have a contingency plan... but she didn't. Four years later, after several other attempts to cut ties, I have finally made it more final by giving a date. I don't want to back down.

I don't even think they really want me there... they just don't know how to cover what I was doing. I was the lesser of two evils.

Just one more week. I hope that I can leave gracefully - without doing too much damage to my reputation. I keep thinking of the people that have left my department since I've been there and how few of them were spoken of fondly after they left. I hope that isn't the case with me, but I think it's inevitable. And who can blame them? I hope that squirrel is right.